Marry Me A Little

 

Greetings Glutards!  So as some of you may have seen on the That’s Glutarded Facebook page on Friday, I officiated a wedding ceremony this weekend.  Now, I am not ordained in any fashion.  Our friends were already married back in December and they wanted a “unique” ceremony just for all of the family and friends.  That’s where this glutard stepped in.  Or, should I say, hobbled in…

Yes, I am on crutches.  Yes, I do look damn fine in a suit.  No, I did not wear the hat for the ceremony.  Unfortunately, I had a terrible encounter with some ice the day before the wedding and ended up in the emergency room.  My ankle was not broken, but I wasn’t able to walk on it so I had crutches for the wedding weekend.  This meant no “Gangnam Style” for me.

Get it, boys…

Besides my little wobble, the wedding went off without a hitch.  Our friends Ed and Ang were so incredibly happy and enjoy my very non-traditional ceremony.  A little tip of you all, you can never go wrong by quoting from The Princess Bride at a wedding.  It’s definitely a crowd pleaser.

A few tips for a glutard to survive a wedding:

1. Enjoy the bar situation.  Keep in mind that rums, tequilas, potato vodkas, sakes, and wines are all celiac safe.  I joined my grandma in a rum and coke with olives.  Trust me, it’s pretty good.  Also, the olives make it look like it’s staring at you!

2. Hit the buffet…HARD!  Avoid the dinner rolls and load up on your proteins and vegetables. 

3. Finally, skip the wedding cake.  Even if it is a dense vanilla cake with a raspberry swirl.  Don’t give in.  That cake is the devil!

Although I couldn’t spend the whole time on the dance floor, I definitely had a blast.  Congratulations to Ed and Ang.  I wish you both all the happiness in the world, and thank you for letting me be part of your special day. 

Glutardedly Yours,

 

~Tim

Like That’s Glutarded on FACEBOOK!!!

Surprise! Shrimp Jambalaya

 

Some like it hot…

Greetings Glutards!  So here's the deal.  The other day, I set out to make something really cool.  I attempted to make gluten free empanadas.  I figured this would be a fun and exciting dish to share with you all.  Well, I underestimate my culinary skillz.  Apparently, I made a mistake in my gluten free dough.  When I went to place my empanadas in the oil to fry, they fell apart into a million delicious pieces.  Curses…

So what do you do when life gives you lemons?  You exchange them for limes and make something else mid meal.  Which brings us to my surprise shrimp jambalaya.

Here’s what you’ll need:

• 3 plum tomatoes
• 1-1/2 dozen shrimp
• 1 jalapeno pepper
• 1 small onion
• 1 can of sweet corn
• 2 cups rice
• 1 can of Progresso southwestern chicken soup
• 1 TBSP cilantro
• 1 lime
• 2 cloves of garlic
• 1 cup of vegetable or chicken stock
• Cayenne pepper
• Salt & pepper to taste

Here's how ya do:

Start by dicing your tomatoes, onion, jalapeno, and garlic.  Don't cut your fingers.  Dice your shrimp. You want to cut it into small chunks.

Throw your shrimp into a frying pan on medium heat.  Give them a little stir and cook them until they turn slightly pink. 

Add in your chopped veggies and your sweet corn.  Take your lime and squeeze the juice into the pan.  This is also a good time to add your cilantro and cayenne pepper.  Add as much cayenne as you’d like.  I like a spicy jambalaya so I added a good bit.  Turn that down low and let the flavors party for a sec.

In a large pot, combine your Progresso soup, rice, and stock.  Fun fact, the Progresso soup proudly boasts that it is gluten free right on the label.  Way to go, Progresso!  Let all that simmer for about 10-15 minutes to get that rice cooked.

When your rice has cooked and soaked up most of the liquid, stir in your shrimp and veggie mixture.  Add a little more stock if your jambalaya seems like it needs more liquid.  You don’t want there to be too much broth, but you don’t want it to be dry either.  Let that simmer for another 10 minutes or so.  Add your salt and pepper to taste.

From the ashes of my failed empanada filling, we now have a spicy jambalaya that would make Emeril say “BAM”!  It wasn’t my best looking dish, but at least I was able to salvage dinner.  I’ll attempt empanadas again in the future.  Anyone have any good recipes?

Sautee.  Simmer.  Enjoy.  Let me know what you think!

Glutardedly Yours,

 

~Tim

Like That’s Glutarded on FACEBOOK!!!

Hot & Bothered Buttered Rum

 

A cocktail for all seasons…

Greetings Glutards! How’s your Monday going?  Yeah, that’s what I thought.  Mondays suck.  But don’t worry, it’s happy hour!  That wonderful time where drinks are on special, and you can forget about your horrible boss for 2 hours.  I had some much fun last Monday making Rum-Olutions, so I decided to make another cocktail for your this week.  Since it’s cold outside, I decided to make you all a Hot Buttered Rum!

I know, it sounds gross.  Let’s add more calories to our drinks!  I thought the same thing until I tried one of these puppies at work the other night.  Our bartender makes a mean buttered rum, so I wanted to take a shot at making my own.

Here’s what you’ll need:

• Rum – dark rum works the best.  Alas, I didn’t have any and the stores were closed today.
• Apple Cider
• Cinnamon
• Nutmeg
• Ginger
• Cayenne pepper
• Butter

Here’s how you do:

In a sauce pan, heat up your apple cider.  Add in a few pinches of cinnamon, and one pinch of nutmeg and ginger.  Heat the mixture on low until it is nice and hot.

In your favorite mug or glass, add about a shot of your rum.  You can always add a little more if your day went that way…

When your cider is hot, carefully pour it into your glass.  You want to fill it up to just about the top.

Take your butter and put a small piece to place on top of your warm cocktail.  It will float gently on top like a little cholesterol-filled cruise ship.

And now for the final twist.  Take your cayenne pepper and sprinkle a little on top of your floating butter.  This will give your cocktail an extra touch of heat.

Look how simple that was!  Have a few of these and you’ll be cozy under a Snuggie flipping through your Netflix queue in no time.  Sounds like a great Monday evening to me…

Heat.  Mix.  Enjoy!

Glutardedly yours,

 

~Tim

Like That’s Glutarded on FACEBOOK!!!

GFC–Glutarded Fried Chicken

Prepare to fry, Chicken…

Greetings Glutards!  Have you ever just had a craving for fried chicken?  It can’t just be me, right?  Deep fried meats are instilled in us all.  It’s part of the American dream.  Hell, fried chicken put Kentucky on the map.  Sadly, most preparations call for flour.  Since flour is now my new mortal enemy, I went off to Whole Foods to find a way to get the gluten out of my deep fried deliciousness.

For this recipe, you are going to need a Dutch oven, or a heavy (cast iron) skillet.  The reason being is cast iron cookware holds heat better than other mediums.  This helps keep your frying oil at the right temperature.  I also would suggest a food thermometer that is suitable for frying so you can keep an eye on the oil temp.  I finally got a Dutch oven for Christmas, so this will be it’s debut in my kitchen.  He is purple. so I am affectionately calling him “Grimace”.

*The coating recipe comes to you from Alton Brown.  I modified it to be Celiac safe, but the spices used are the same*

Here’s what you’ll need:

• Chicken (duh) – Legs, thighs, whatever you’d like. 
• 2 Cups milk – You can use buttermilk if you’re feeling that kinda way
• 2 TBSP kosher salt  *Tip: you may want to add less than Alton suggests*
• 2 TBSP paprika
• 2 TSP garlic powder
• 1 TSP cayenne pepper
• 1 Cup corn flake crumbs – I got mine at Whole Foods
• Pamela’s Baking Mix, for dredging – You could also use gluten free flour, but the Pamela’s turned out great for me.
• Frying oil – Dealer’s choice here.  Pick your favorite fat and lets go.

Here’s how ya do:

Start by filling your Dutch oven (Grimace) with your frying liquid.  You want it to be about 1-2 inches deep.  Place Grimace on the stove and put some heat on under him.  You want the oil to be up to 325 degrees.  My little thermometer has a clip on it, so I just stuck it to Grimace and could check the temp easily.  Also, preheat your oven to 350 degrees.  You’ll find out why in a bit.

In a medium bowl, mix your corn crumbs, salt, paprika, garlic, & cayenne.  Make sure the mixture is well incorporated.

Set up 2 more bowls on your counter.  One will have your milk, the other will hold your Pamela’s mix.

Check up on Grimace.  When he has reached 325 degrees (try not to go too much higher than this)  then we are ready to party…

Take a piece of chicken and dredge it in the Pamela’s mix.  Make sure to coat the whole thing.  Shake off any excess.

Dip this chicken completely in the milk.  This will cause the Pamela’s to turn into a sticky paste.  Damn, my hands look fat on camera…

Finally, dip your sticky chicken into your spiced corn crumb mixture.  Roll it around like Madonna singing “Like a Virgin” to coat the whole thing.

Take your coated chicken and GENTLY place it in your hot oil.  Be very careful.  Hot oil is dangerous, gurl.  Be sure to periodically check the oil temp.  You don’t want it to go too high or low on ya.

Now, here is where Alton and I really differ.  He says to fry your chicken for 10-12 minutes on each side.  That’s 20-24 minutes total.  With this corn coating, that would blacken your chicken.  I suggest frying each piece for 6-7 minutes per side.  After this, I took the chicken and placed it in the oven on a non-stick baking sheet.  Put it in the oven for 15-20 minutes at 350 degrees to finish cooking your chicken without burning the sh*t out of your extra tasty coating.  The internal temp of the chicken should be around 180 degrees to be fully cooked.

After a short vaca in the oven, you’ll be ready to enjoy some finger lickin’ chicken that even the Colonel would be proud of.  Serve it with your creamy mashed potatoes that we made on Wednesday and possibly a vegetable.  Hell, with fried chicken this good, who needs veggies?

Coat.  Fry.  Bake.  Enjoy.  Let me know what you think!  What should I make for next week?

Glutardedly Yours,

 

~Tim

Like That’s Glutarded on FACEBOOK!!!

Wooden Spoon Mashed Potatoes

 

Let the games begin…

Greetings Glutards!  I am on a cooking rampage this week.  Mostly because I love sharing recipes with all of you.  Also, I’m kinda broke at the moment so I need to just stay in a cook what I have here.  Today I am going to make you a simple side dish that will go with the entrée that I will be making for Friday’s post.  I give you, Wooden Spoon Mashed Potatoes.

Why are they called Wooden Spoon Mashed Potatoes?  Well, It started when I decided to turn the lazy sack of potatoes in my kitchen into homemade mashed taters.  Who doesn’t love mashed potatoes?  Then a realized I don’t have a working mixer (thanks, Christmas cookies), or one of those hand masher things.  What I did have, was a wooden spoon.  Very similar to the one that grandma used to threaten us with when my brother and I were misbehaving.  You don’t mess with grandma…

Here’s what you’ll need:

• 6 large potatoes, peeled
• 1 large shallot
• 3 cloves of garlic
• 1-1/2 TBSP fresh chopped chives
• 1 stick of unsalted butter
• 6 heaping tablespoons or so of sour cream
• salt and pepper to taste

Here’s how ya do:

Start by chopping up your chives, garlic, & shallots.  Sit them aside for now.  Let them chat it up for a bit while you work on other things.

Wash and peel your potatoes.  Place them in a large pot and fill the pot with cold water.  You want just enough to cover  the potatoes.

 

Place the pot of potatoes on the stove and bring to a boil.  You want to cook your potatoes until they are soft.  How long is that?  I’m not quite sure.  I lost track of the timer.  15 minutes?  Use your judgment.  I have faith in you.

In a small fry pan, place 1 tablespoon of your butter.  Toss in your garlic, chives, and shallots.  Turn the heat up to medium and sauté these ingredients to get the flavors workin’.

Check back with your potatoes.  When they are cooked, drain off all of the water and return the pot to the stove.  Turn your burner down to low.  This is when the fun comes in.  Take your wooden spoon and beat the sh*t out of the potatoes.  If you have a masher thingy or a stand mixer, use that.  That would make much more sense…

Toss the rest of your stick of butter into the potato pot.  No need to chop it up.  It will melt eventually… 

Stir in your garlic/chive mixture.  Mmm, smells like a bag of potato chips…

Finally, add in the heaping tablespoons of sour cream.  Whoever invented the combo of sour cream and chives was a genius.  I added about 6 of these XL-TBSPs.  You can always add as much or as little as you’d like.  Finally, add salt and pepper to taste.

In no time at all, you’ll be enjoying a mountain of decadent, creamy mashed potatoes.  Oh, what’s that?  What are you going to enjoy them with?  Wow, you’re impatient…  I’ll tell you all about that kitchen nightmare on Friday.

Make.  Eat.  Wait in anticipation for the main course

Glutardedly Yours,

 

~Tim

Like That’s Glutarded on FACEBOOK!!!

Les Miserables Rum-Olution!

 

It’s Happy Hour, folks

Greetings Glutards!  It’s Monday, and I wanted to make you all something that I am sure you can probably use today.  No, it’s not any type of quinoa dish.  Trust me, I am over that for a little while.  Today, I decided to make you all a cocktail inspired by last night’s Golden Globe awards!

What a great awards ceremony.  It was a night of glitz and glamour.  There were fabulous designer clothes, witty female hosts,  strange and overdue coming out speeches (you go, Jodie), and more drunk celebs than you could shake a martini at.  I thought it would be fitting to make a gluten free cocktail to honor one of the big winners of the night, Les Miserables.  So I made you all a Les Miserables Rum-Olution!

Here’s what you will need:

• 2 ounces of Bacardi Gold Rum (it’s gluten free!)
• 1 ounce unsweetened black cherry juice
• 1 ounce apple cider (or apple juice)
• fresh lemons, sliced
• Candied/Crystalized ginger
• lemon juice, ReaLemon works just fine
• sugar

Here’s how ya do:

In a martini shaker, place 2 slices of fresh lemon and about a teaspoon of sugar.  Grate 2 pieces of your candied ginger into the shaker. 

Muddle the mixer together with a muddler.  If you are like me and don’t own a muddler, you can use the back end of a wooden spoon.  You want to crush the lemons, ginger, and sugar together to get the flavors working nicely.

Add a hefty scoop of ice to your shaker.  Pour in your 2 ounces of rum.  You can measure this out.  I used a speed pourer to measure mine.  This would be about at a 6 count using a speed pourer.

Next, add in one ounce of your unsweetened black cherry juice.  I used R.W. Knudsen Black Cherry juice that I found at Whole Foods.  Then, add in one ounce of your apple cider of choice.  You could use regular apple juice if you would like.  I made this cocktail both ways and I found that the spice of the cider went very nicely with the ginger.  If you want a lighter, less spiced cocktail, you can sub in the regular apple juice.

Add a couple dashes of your lemon juice to finish off the mix.  Place the lid on your shaker and shake it like a Polaroid picture.  You want to make sure all of your ingredients are incorporated, and your cocktail is ICE COLD! Thanks, Andre 3000…

Pour your mixture into your favorite martini glass.  Garnish with a slice of lemon on the side of the glass, and a piece of candied ginger in the drink.  This will be a fun surprise later.

And that’s it! Your finished product will be a delicious cocktail that is as red as the blood from our fallen revolutionaries.  I dreamed a dream, and it was totally about this cocktail!  I heard Jodie Foster had a few of these last night.  Sorry Jodie…  Much love to ya! <3

Muddle.  Shake.  Enjoy.  Don’t drive.  Let me know what you think!

Glutardedly Yours,

 

~Tim

On a side note, this post is a love letter to one of my favorite YouTube vloggers, Mamrie Hart of You Deserve a Drink!  Mamrie, if you happen to read this, I think you are hysterical and extremely talented. <3

Like That’s Glutarded on FACEBOOK!!!