Glutarded Take-Out

 

Sometimes you just need delivery…

Lately I feel like I have been a slave to my kitchen.  Not that I don’t enjoy cooking and sharing my creations with all of you.  It keeps my culinary skills in check and cuts down on my heating bill since my rocket ship of an oven makes my little apartment feel like Costa Rica. 
So what does a glutard do when he’s tired of cooking gluten free?  Break out your smart phone and call for delivery, baby! The only problem is that your options are limited in the world of take-out.  Well, I am here to help you navigate it in style.


I went on GrubHub, my favorite way to order food without dealing with people, and searched for gluten free to see what came up.  I settled on a place called The Quick Fixx, which is located at 15th and South.  They have a cool gluten free pasta option, in which you select your pasta, sauce, and topping to create your own dish.
*Warning- Do not do this when you are intoxicated.  Ordering with the drunk munchies (or munchies of any kind…) will lead to strange flavor combinations and a hefty bill.  Trust me…*


I chose their gluten free cheese ravioli as my base.  Then came the spicy tomato sauce, smoked bacon, sundried tomatoes, sautéed mushrooms, and gorgonzola cheese.  What the hell was I thinking?  Well, 30 minutes later I was very pleased with my choices.  Pasta smothered in goodness.  The portion size was great and the toppings were plentiful. After all the toppings, delivery fee, and tax I spent about $20 on my little ravioli rendezvous.

I also found in my search that Dominos now has a gluten free 10 inch crust on their menu.  Way to step it up there, Dominos.  I decided to give it a whirl (on a different night than the pasta…I am not that much of a fat kid!) and see what it was like.  Turns out their thin, crispy gluten free crust is much more appealing to me than their regular crusts.  Just be warned, when you order online you will receive this terrifying disclaimer:


Personally, I didn’t have any reaction to the pizza.  As it says, depending on how sensitive you are, you should exercise caution.  Who would of thought ordering pizza would be this dangerous?

What other take-out should I try?

Glutardedly Yours,

~Tim

Philly Cheesesteak Tacos!

“Taco flavored kisses!  Taco taco taco…”

 

Since I live in the city of brotherly heart attacks, I figured I would make a glutarded version of the Philly Cheesesteak.  This sandwich is such an iconic Philly Phavorite.  I originally set out to buy some gluten free rolls/baguette somewhere and make this sandwich style.  Sadly, none of my local markets had suitable options so I decided to take this creation south of the border.

To make this, you will need:

Steak (cut of your choice, but don’t go too cheap on us, ok?)
1/2 White onion
Gluten free corn tortillas
1 Cup of sharp cheddar, shredded
1 Cup of mild cheddar, shredded
1 Cup half and half
1 TSP  Sriracha (or hot sauce of your choice)
Pinch of garlic
Salt & Pepper to taste

In a small sauce pan, heat your half & half on a medium heat.  Add in your shredded cheeses and continuously stir until the cheese melt and turns into something that resembles Cheese Wiz.  Add the pinch of garlic, 1 TSP of hot sauce, and salt and pepper to taste.  BAM! You have cheese sauce!


Slice your steak into thin strips.  Dice or slice your onion as well.  Put both the onion and steak into a non-stick fry pan and sauté them till the onions are caramelized and the meat is cooked to your desired temperature.  I did mine about medium/medium well.  Turn down the heat and keep your steak and onions warm.


If you would like, take your corn tortillas and grill them lightly on each side in a lightly oiled small fry pan.  I would recommend this, since it gives the tortillas more flavor and makes them look great too.  Place your tortillas onto your favorite dollar store platter and top each with your steak and onions.  Next, drizzle your house made ‘wiz’ on top of each taco.  For a finishing touch, you can do a zigzag of ketchup or your favorite hot sauce to give them that extra steak sandwich kick.


And that is it, my friends! Your finished product is a deliciously twisted Philly cheesesteak that could easily be found at Pat’s or Geno’s.  Well, if not there, maybe at a shady taqueria around the corner…

Let me know what you think!

Glutardedly Yours,

~Tim

Mr. Glutard Goes to the Theater

Happy Monday Everyone!

I hope you all had a wonderful weekend filled with your favorite type of debauchery.  For me this included going to an alumni event and show at Temple University.  Now, those with gluten intolerances must be careful at such events.  Most will not be gluten-free galas.  Take my advice and just so what I did.  Make polite conversation, avoid the hors d’oeuvres, and point yourself to the bar for some wine.

The event was followed by a performance of Spring Awakening at the Tomlinson Theater on campus.  Mad props to the cast of the show.  These Temple kids really pulled it out and it made me proud.

I was very excited to run into two former professors, David Ingram and Kimmika Williams-Witherspoon.  Kimmika also has a blog on Blogger which features the the works of her fantastic Poetry as Performance class.  I took this class when I was at Temple and it was an amazing experience.  The blog is called Thick Descriptions and it is fantastic!  Check it out.

Also, congratulations to Temple Alums and close friends, Sarah Scalzo and Ryan Jones.  They recently got engaged and we all could not be happier.
Glutardedly Yours,

~Tim

Pizza Perfect - Part 1

No, this has nothing to do with that movie starring Jennifer Aniston and the voice of the parrot in "Paulie".

 

 

 

It's been said that there is no such thing as bad pizza, or bad sex.  Well my friends, we all know that is absolutely not true.  Let's face it, guys. Some people, and pizzas, just don't fulfill our needs.  I'm sure we've all had those drunken nights with friends that end with a sub-par slice at a seedy pizza shop packed with the jokers, the smokers and the midnight tokers.  So what's one to do in this unsure world of perilous pies? 

 

That's what I am going to find out.  And all in a gluten free fashion of course!

 

Last week, I decided to attempt to make my own gluten free pizza crust at home so I could enjoy one of my favorites.  How hard could pizza dough be, right?  It's just some flour, yeast, water and olive oil.  I even had a great head start thanks to my mom, who gave me this awesome Williams-Sonoma book all about pizzas.

The book has some great recipes for crusts if you are non-glutarded.  I figured I could adapt them easily into a gluten free version.  I did it with the Pumpkin Pizzelles, so why not with pizza.  Well, I was dead wrong...

I followed the "Herb Pizza Crust" recipe to the letter, only substituting the regular all purpose flour for a gluten-free version.  The first sign of trouble was the dough barely rose.  My ball of dough, a.k.a "Dough Baby", seemed extremely dense and hard to work with.  I figured Dough Baby would bake up nicer once it was in the oven. 

 

 

I rolled the Dough Baby out into something that resembled a pizza and added the toppings.  I used mushrooms, roasted tomatoes, spinach, and goat cheese.  Seriously, how bad can it be?  Goat cheese makes everything delicious.

After about 15-20 minutes in the oven, I was blessed with at beautiful looking pizza with a crust that could dent a car door.  Not my proudest moment.  The pizza didn't really taste bad, it was the texture of the crust that was it's downfall.

There will be no recipe posted for this since the result was a gluten free failure.  Think of it as a "what not to do" post.  Will I give up?  F*ck no!  I am determined to come up with the perfect gluten free pizza crust that glutards and the gluten-tolerant alike will enjoy.

 

Anyone have any suggestions?

 

Glutardely Yours,

 

 

~Tim

Parmesan & Herb "Breaded" Chicken

This ain't your Nonna's breaded chicken...

 

I've been craving some Italian (like ya do from time to time).  Instead of getting on Grindr (look it up, straight people...), I decided to get creative.  How do you make a breaded chicken dish with pasta when you have a gluten intolerance & limited pantry resources?  Here's how ya do...

For the faux breading, you will need:

 

2 Rice Cakes (plain ones, none of that apple-cinnamon bullsh*t)

1 TBSP Olive Oil

2 TBSP Parmesan Cheese

2 TBSP Butter (frozen works best)

1 TSP Basil

1 TSP Oregano

 

Dash of crushed red pepper

Salt & Pepper to taste

Combine all of the ingredients in a small food processor.  Chop the mixture until the rice cakes are crumbled and all of the ingredients are playing nice together.  *This made enough for about 2 cuts of chicken. You can always adjust the recipe for more*

 

Next, set up 3 bowls on your counter.  In the first bowl, place gluten free flour.  In the second bowl, 2 eggs.  Make sure you beat the eggs.  In the last bowl, place the bread crumb mixture that you just made.

 

Take your chicken (I used chicken thighs) and first coat it in the flour on both sides.  Move to the bowl with the egg and do the same thing.  Finally, coat both sides with your breading.   Then place your coated chicken in a greased baking dish.

 

I baked my chicken COVERED in the oven for 15 minutes at 350 degrees.  I chose to leave the cover on for the first part of the cooking process to help keep the chicken moist.  After 15 minutes, I turned the baking dish and took the cover off.  I left the chicken in the oven for another 15 minutes with the cover off to crisp the breading.

 

And that's it, my friends! I served my chicken with gluten free penne pasta that I found at Wegmans and some garlic sautéed veggies that I had in the fridge.  The chicken turned out very moist and delicious with a great crunchy coating.   I was proud! 

 

Make this. Get creative with it.  Jazz it up.  Have fun!  Let me know what you think.

 

Glutardedly Yours,

 

~Tim

Fogo de WHAAATTT???

"I'm gluten intolerant.  Where should I go out to eat?"

 

Normally I would roll my eyes at this type of request but since being diagnosed as a "Glutard",  I am now one of those people.  I actually have to put some thought into where to go out for a nice meal since I probably will have limited options once I am there.  It's probably the biggest headache I have encountered so far on my gluten free diet path.

Well Glutards, I am here to tell you there is hope.  There is a magical restaurant that holds numerous gluten free items for us to feast on.  It's the restaurant where the server's pants are baggy, the salad bar is massive, and the meat is all you can handle.  I'm talkin' about FOGO DE CHAO!

Fogo de Chao is a chain restaurant that specializes in Brazilian steakhouse fare.  The restaurant offers a prix fixed menu that includes their amazing salad bar and unlimited amounts of their 15 different cuts of meat.  It's like dining on a cruise ship, but without the funky decor and the bargain basement entertainment.  The meats are prepared by gaucho chefs and served to you directly at the table.  Now that's what I like to call service! Men bringing unlimited amounts of meat right to me?  Yes please!

 

This dinner was another part of my friend Josh's birthday that I wrote about last week.  I am so glad that this was the restaurant choice because I could eat just about anything!  In my research, I found that their meats are safe except for the chicken, which is marinated in beer.  I highly recommend the filet mignon and the house special cut, the Picanha.  The sides that are served for the table (plantains, polenta, and mashed potatoes) are all gluten free and delicious.  The desserts were kinda off limits. 

My recommendation:  HAVE A COCKTAIL ;-)

 

Overall, I give Fogo de Chao 5 stars for Glutards! It has plenty of gluten free options and a very knowledgeable and friendly staff.  I warn you, it is a lot of meat.  Do not eat for a day before visiting this restaurant!  You're going to need to save room for the 15 cuts of meat!

 

One restaurant down, hundreds more to explore...

 

 

Glutardedly Yours,

 

~Tim  

 To check out more about Fogo de Chao, click here!

 

Glutoberfest!

Who doesn't love a good beer?

Beer is like friendship and happiness all in one bottle.  It insights camaraderie.  It vastly improves your dance moves. It makes that girl across the bar slightly more attractive than she was an hour ago.  It makes you instantly recall every Dave Matthews Band show that you went to in the 90's (guilty).  And it turns 3am shitty diner food into the greatest thing you've ever had in your life.  I am very upset that due to my stupid stomach, I cannot enjoy my favorite brews and all of their benefits.  Especially since it's fall and beer tends to be the official sponsor of all things autumnal.  To remedy this, I have decided to create my own beer drinking festival that I am calling GLUTOBERFEST!  But first I needed to find out where to sample a gluten free beer in this fair city

Apparently, all you need to find gluten free beer in Philadelphia is have just one accessory: The Gays.

Tuesday night I went out for my friend Josh's birthday celebration.  It was a fabulous evening of witty remarks and slightly unseasonable shawl collar wool sweaters. The festivities brought us to The Westbury, a gay bar at 13th and Spruce.  The Westbury carried 2 gluten free beers which I had to sample.

The first was New Plant's 3R Raspberry beer.  It wasn't terrible.  Ya'll remember Arbor Mist?  Well this was the beer equivalent of that.  I don't even think it could count as a beer really.  If you like your beers light and fruity, then this will probably be your best friend.  If not, then lets move on...

 Next, drink this! The New Planet Off the Grid Pale Ale.  I tried this because I love a good IPA, and it was the only other gluten free beer they had. Woohoo! Well I will say that this was much more enjoyable.  It tasted like a real IPA!  It had a great floral nose with a crisp, hoppy taste.  This beer made me wanna grow a beer, wear terrible thrift store outfits, ride a vintage bike, and become part of the hipster elite.  But since I love Banana Republic and deodorant too much, I decided to just throw back a few more IPAs before we moved on the next bar.

I found Redbridge gluten free beer at The Venture Inn.  The bartender told me that they had ordered it just for one regular who is gluten intolerant, and now it actually sells to a much larger crowd.  When I saw it was produced by Anheuser-Busch, my soul gagged a little.  It turns out that this Busch creation isn't too bad.  Think something like a Yuengling crossed with a Miller Lite.    Huh, I like Busch...Who knew?  In the end it was more the birthday shots for Josh than the beer that did me in at the Venture.

So if you're gluten intolerant, or just beer-curious, you should celebrate your own Glutoberfest and check out the beers at these local watering holes (hehe...holes).  The beers may surprise you.  And if the beers are not your cup of tea, there's always shots and probably a Wicked sing-along for your enjoyment.

Happy Glutoberfest Everyone! What other beers should I try?

Glutardedly Yours,

~Tim